Let's itch...

Confused over the title? Isn't it too soothing when you get to itch when it's been feeling like it for quite a few minutes? It is... for me atleast... so is for you I hope... Never mind if it isn't. I am not gonna go into scientific details of hormonal activities that go on while itching. Itching isn't always good, until it's momentary. Y in hell m i talking on 'ITCHING'? Well, this post is meant to itch some feelings of the readers that might have been buried periodically under the fines of situation and time constraints... the feelings of disgust and irritation which most of us don't publicize given the decorum of so called CIVILISED society... (I haven't experienced some of them, let's say m just an advocate on some of my friends' behalf) Some of them r really dirty. So before proceeding, i'll prefer giving a statuary warning...

ALL THE FACTS WRITTEN IN THIS POST ARE TRUE BUT DIRTY TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE. SO THOSE LOOKING FOR JUST GOOD LITERATURE AND THOSE MAKING PREJUDICES ABOUT PEOPLE BASED ON POSTS, PLEASE STOP PROCEEDING WITH THIS POST. REST ALL ARE EXPECTED TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE MALIGN AMBIENCE THROUGH COMMENTS ;)

• Y not start with 'itching' itself? Felt good thinking of it, didn't it? ;) But what if u've seen your teacher itching his @$$ before he starts praising you with a pat on ur cheeks? Yukksss!??? Can you help? no!!!
• What if you enter your boss's room and find him picking his nose hard with all fingers consecutively? Can you resist when he offers a handshake? No!!!
• There's a smart guy in a party everyone is enjoying with. He's good looking, very energetic and persuasive in speaking. You'd like it if u get to talk to him and share your experiences with him in the way he puts his. Aaahhh!!! after a long time you get to talk to the guy. He takes you to a seat, both of you on chairs arranged in such a way that no other voice could touch your ears before his words do. But as soon as you turn to him... Urrghhhh!!! he's stinking!!! what do they give him to eat? H2S capsules? Did he fall short of toothpaste today? or does he ever brush??? Yuckkksss!!! But u r helpless... he's one of your boss's friends. Irritating... isn't it?
• You've a despot professor u're devoid to talk to, just for sake of instituting a rapport with him. One day u get a heavenly chance... a problem u're sure would trick him. "Any questions students?"... "yes sir! just a little problem i'm stuck with"... and there you go... he comes to you and starts pondering over the statement while you run your eyes to your pals mocking him from behind. And suddenly your eyes catch a single lone thick hair on your prof's cheek just on the topmost surface below the eyes. Yeah... I bet u feel so much like plucking it out hard... as hard to give him the worst pain ever. Ohh! wait ! thr's more to see... a curved long hair is sneaking out of his left nose! Has he got pubic hairs up here? O god! control his testosterones... now u've got 2 things to pluck out diabolically with all your dint. But all you can do is - "Yes sir, Ok sir, got it sir, i can do it now sir! thank you sir!" What a miss of a world of entertainment... loser! rn't u?
• U sleep happily laying back in a bus... happy enough to see a cute girl is sitting at ur back. But wait! y has the cold breeze suddenly turned into a pressure pump on ur neck? Oh Jesus! what's up thr in her nose? a turbo jet engine? Where in her little lungs does she process this much of oxygen? Can't touch her to wake her up... her dad's is next to her. All through the journey this cute girl keeps transforming into a deadlier monster in ur mind. Your sleep is bashed... you journey is ruined... and you can't help it! Y do some gals have to be despicable while sleeping?
• This one is particular to me... may be none of the readers feels it... isn't it irritating when you have to carry a book having a over width page slipping out of first 20 or so pages with edges worn out due to over exposure and you have no chance to level them equal to other pages? I know m being a bit psyco here, but this condition itches me a lot.
• This one is dedicated 2 one of my very special frnds who actually faced it... U r on a date with this cute gal u'd die to go out with. Sitting on a restaurant table, ur gf starts making faces... like someone farted! But only u know after god- buddy! that someone is you! :D Still u take her to another table where FARTING people don't reach. But what to do now? No excuses this time but pressure does tense you. Move away for some time? Excuses? a phone call, taking water, washing face, peeing... all'f 'em exhausted... What'll be the next solution? getting permanent rid? oh shitt!!! how do i shit? No toilet paper in d wallet :O Water's up ur nose now. U do it and u use toilet paper kept up thr in the restaurant's HE. Being an Indian frnd of mine, hw'd you feel having with same hands a tasty pastry served on a similar looking tissue paper! yukkks..!!! GOD save me from any such situation x-( :

Enough for this post now. It's readers' turn. I've mentioned quite a few instances. M sure this world has millions of such examples. I'd be glad if readers share some of those happened with them in comments section.

Metro returns...

Delhi Metro plays an important role for Delhi's regular life. It has become the lifeline of Delhi. So has it for my blogs too. Readers must have noticed my initial blogs had metro as a major roleplayer. After a long break, it's back with a bang... a bang that banged me up n down... kicking my S... making me feel looted in my own city...

It was 12th of March '09. The story starts from Chawri bazar, that's near Chandni Chowk, where I had been for some shopping. My stuff was heavy and I somehow managed to reach the metro ticket counter, let down my stuff, took out my wallet n asked for a ticket to Dwarka Mor. I didn't notice I had rested my wallet by my side on the counter instead of my pocket. Who the F&^% employs gals at ticket counters ? God !!! What the hell can you think of when you see them stuttering over 20-4=16. It's frustrating... really it is :(

'Sir Mujhe aapko kitne dene hain ?'
'Rs.4'
'Sir 1 rupaya hai ?'
'here it is'
She hands me back Rs. 10.
'Oh sorry sir, was it rs. 5 I had to return'
'Nahi ismein bhi problem nahi hai'
'hehehe, here it is'
'ok'

And then...WTF B@#$%^& M@#$@(*&^ Where d fcuk is my wallet ? Back pocket ? No... Front one? no... Right one? no... Left one? no...

'Excuse me, did you see someone lifting my wallet from here'
'Sry sir I din't'
'Yeah bitch, Y would you ? I know it's your gang out here :x You engaged me in conversation and your partner took my wallet away ' I murmured.

I swapped the whole place with my eyes like a mad man, checked my pockets a hundred times, still hoping it to generate somewhere from inside. I know it won't, but still... may be... may be i had put it in my bag, let's check it too... oh may be knee pocket... Oh shitt shitt shitt... it's nowhere !!! EEEEEEEeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh....... m looted, m raped, m fucked... my D/L, my insti i-card, library cards, ATM cards, a gifted BSNL sim, a sum of more than Rs. 2000. OMG, save me... save me from the endless queues in D/L office, from misuse of my sim, from the numerous occasions I've to plead before insti's officials to issue another i-card. aaaaahhhhhh... I've a headache now, head's buzzing and the world is swinging...
I called up my dad and was suprised by his cool behaviour. He suggested me things and advised me to stay calm. I returned the ticket and approached the metro police.

'Sir this is not our job'
'then whose is it? I've my wallet stolen in the metro premisis and you say it's not your job? then what's you job? U give b*** jobs?'
'Excuse me sir!'
'nothing, tell me what to do then ?'
'go to the civil police'
'wow! gr8 solution ! bastards !'

I reached the nearest Haus Kaaji poilce station.
'Sir this is not our job, you'll have to contact the metro police'
'Now what does that mean ? They say it's your job, you say it's theirs. Do you think it's too easy a task to drag this much of stuff up n down the stairs ?'
Another policeman comes up over there and asserts...
'Ye saale metro police waale hote hi haraamkhor hain ji ! Do one thing, they have kashmiri gate police station specially for this purpose. Register your FIR there. Forget getting your wallet back, but an FIR will be helpful for records'
'Yeah right ! Am I supposed to register an FIR in Kashmiri gate and reach my home with just Rs.20 left with me ?'
'aji chinta mat karo, aadmi hi aadmi ke kaam aata hai. Have this...'

And he handed me Rs.20 from his pocket. I was overwhelmed by his behaviour. It's really hard to find such courtesy in today's world. But they do say...'dilli dilwalon ki hai', no matter one of these dillwalas was the culprit today. Anyways, I expressed my gratitude towards the gentleman and promised myself to return his favour once I get over this problem. Finally reaching the Kashmiri gate metro police station, I got someone who was ready to register my FIR, that too with a warm welcome. They offered me tea and asked me to relax first. I took a deep breath after the exhausting way upto the thana. Then the uncle started his philosophy...
'Dunno wat these young generation people have made of themselves. What da hell would one think of while putting aside his WALLET on the ticket counter? Does that make any sense? Do you think it's easy for your dad to make 2000 like huge sum of money? Had I been in your dad's place, i'd have slapped you first and then I'd ask what actually happened.'
Having no other choice, I was nodding to every statement he delivered. Another collegue of that old philosopher framed the whole incidence in the FIR records and asked me to sign the sheet. He assured me of getting back duplicates of all the belongings I've lost easily on the basis of that FIR. Yeah, like trying to get them is an easy task! I reached home and everyone's condolences were waiting for me. I was fine with those soothing words, but then came the words of wisdom from everyone, my mom, my younger sis, my elder sis and most importantly my dad! He was trying to be cool but it seemed he was disappointed with me. You should never leave your wallet like this anywhere. You should never need to take your wallet out and show the amount to junta. Keep change for tickets in your shirt's pocket itself. Never keep everything and all your money in one place only, do divide it in different pockets. What's the need of carrying all your i-cards and license and ATM cards with you when you don't need them? But nothing could be undone now. I nodded to everyone in a low tone and controlled my frustration.

Next day I was off to Janakpuri distt. centre driving liscence authority office to get duplicate copy of my license. Just after boarding the bus, I imagined there must be another good man on this earth who gets emptied wallet and contacts me to get back those precious cards... those precious ones... which would cost me countless human hours to see them again. To my utter surprise my mom called me up and I was informed a man named Imraan had found my wallet. I contacted the dude and he asked me come over to barahkhamba road metro station near some Viajay building below an AMRO bank. The guy was a building contracter and seemed to be believable enough. After an hour I had my wallet in my own happy hands and I was so stupidly happy that didn't even care offering him a cold drink. To rude of me right? I thanked him, shook hands and called up dad to give him the good news. He advised me to visit palika bazar if already there. I did teh same happily, but the fact is, I suck at shopping. After an hour of checking out the shops, I was back to my home, happy again, contended to have lost JUST Rs.2000 and nothing else. Life was normal again...

At Last... Hakuna Mataata

So... at last, everything seems inline for us. Us ??? wondering what it stands for ? Ohkay, it's for lots of us. To start with let me pump in the fact that all of 'us' have been placed now (means this evening). Back to the definition of 'us'... firstly it's for the fabulous 5 group of ours, Secondly it's for audio section's 4th yearites, thirdly it's for my mechanical group. In addition, kshitij Hindi-Ed is placed as well.
Myself first, it's NMDC- National Mineral Development Corporation... which most of the junta doesn't seem to know much about. Primary job being in Iron ore and diamond mining, I prefer telling diamond mining in general. Without much hullabaloo, 24th of March '09 turned out to be a special day for my life. Annoyed with the lack of opportunities as well as failures in mission JOB, I had decided not to put any effort this time. If all's decided by fate, let it be. I did it honestly and screwed my HR as worse as I could... though some tech stuff was good enough. But never mind, they selected those they had decided already, making me one more SARKARI employee out of thousands of recession hit IITians.
GAIL being the one to pickup most of my mates in the end becomes the favourite one - Ankit Gupta (my ex-roommate), Nikhilesh Mishra (the frustrated PJ King), Amresh Bedar (the future IAS), Ramesh Chand Bhupesh ( hamaara chhotu) all those I could wish for. More than their jobs, people seemed to be excited for the trips they had planned to have after selection. To be honest, this time spent waiting for some one to pick us up, we understood what getting a job really means. May be we won't feel this excitement had we got it easily in our first or second attempts. But who knows...
Some questions do click our minds... Is it all decided by fate n luck ? Do talent and knowledge mean nothing ? Is CG everything and Blah blah blah... Last question first, if CG meant everything, I could have got into THDC whr I had it max. So the answer is, yes CG is everything until a fate like mine comes your way :D As regards talent and knowledge, no one gives a fuck what you know about your course if it's a PSU. Though private sector companies do rarely see your TALENT. If you are a DR, rest assured to be picked up, again until u have a blown up luck line as mine n most 'f my frnds.

So is it just the fate ? What's the basis I am saying this on ? Let's see...

Karan Kukreja, mechanical, CG nearly 6.6... barred from the placement process after questioning the interviewer about their contract and opposing it. No one heard his plea of lifting up the ban, neither did he try much. nearly 3 months after the incident he re submits the request to lift the ban and by any means he does it successfully. The first company he faces is ONGC, package of 14 LPA. He screws his intervies like hell. the interviewers are searching a single technical question he could answer rightly. He forgets the result coming out of the room and within an hour he gets a call , 'Saale ho gaya tera'. He gave as wondered reaction as is possible on this planet... So... this is called Luck... a gr8 luck... a fucking solid luck... Saand ki Kismat.
Prashant Kumar, mechanical, CG above 7... tried countless companies, remained the highest CG candidate for nearly 3-4 companies, but unsuccessful. Every attempt he failed in, he'd say ,"I've ONGC stuck in my luck". I believed in his faith in ONGC, still feared something seeing the trend of the 'unexpecteds'. and on d day... WTF... he got what he aimed for from the very first day of placements and even hell more months before that. He gave his usual effort for one more interview and destiny maintained him as the DR1 (the highest CG candidate) for his favourite company. Don't you call that a monster luck ?

Anyways, finally all is well and I hope rest of our batchies get placed as well. For our group, it's real time for celebration, not that we didn't celebrate before this. But this feeling is different, something so relieving, so soothing, so exciting. Future Plans ? O yeah ofcourse MBA, IAS, IES, n etc. etc... for God's sake can we forget this all for some days ? Future plans today mean Goa/Nainitaal/Vaishnodevi/Darjeeling... and what not. Let's see which option wins. Length of this post is troubling me now. Let's close... with a feeling of happiness, contentedness, relief and lastly proud enough to leave the campus with something we atleast deserved.

Trust me...

It's long since last post. This time it's a sense like 'how can she say that !', which prompted me to post this short poem (if this can be called one). It's about a poem posted on http://azilikeit.blogspot.com/2009/02/akkaby-shweta-rao.html
It's not that I feel myself in the category targeted in the poem or that I'm replying 'coz I feel defended from this attack on the target's lust. My motive is to show - categories do have sub categories.

Yeah I stare you and I feel proud

My presence stalks you, Let's say it loud

You show me your flesh, I appreciate it

You feel your beauty, I recreate it

Don't cutoff your breasts, they're marvelous

Don't shed your uterus it's precious

It's not my lewdness you see in my eyes

My limbs are not prone to your naked thighs

I scan your figure but don't wish to rape you

But from those who do, I want to save you

I know your hymen is impenetrable mentally

All I wish is to save it physically

Fear my gaze, cover yourself

Oh you lover woman! you need my help

Shed your madness, comb your hairs

Let's be happy together n no one ever cares !!!

P.S. These idiotically rhyming lines do seem stupid before the bold and real literary stuff showcased in the original poem by Ms. Shweta Rao. But bhavnaon ko samjho, angreji pe na jao !!! If the post seems too uncensored, mind you it's not for minors :D

Random thoughts of a clueless mind

It's 5:15 in d morning and m supposed to be in bed at this hour of d day. O no, don't make me feel uneasy by supposing I've waken up early in d morning. This post is a result of my urge of writing down my heart before they get lost into my lethargy and I go to bed. Tomorrow is the date for BTP presentation and it was a nightout this night. We decided to visit busT b4 singing dreams and there I got the inspiration to post this crap here. It wasn't a creature or an event this time, it was a question, a usual one in general, but a big Q if u ask me. I was asked, 'Sir how do you feel when you think you r going to leave this campus within months ?'
I don't remember wat i replied to the gentleman, but I pondered long over it. How should I feel ? What should I feel ? What's going to be over ? --- a restrictive study full of craming stuff and professors' torcher or a life full of me likes, entertainment, adventure, tympass, listless nightouts, unbound day clocks ??? What's going to come next ? --- A life full of professionalism where you decide for yourself what and how you want to do things or a life full of dullness and workloads with words like entertainment lost deep under responsibilities and workload ???
Or am I really going to get a job ? It feels sometimes... what if I get no job ? What if I move out of this campus as I came in... jobless ? What would justify my wasting a seat of d most prestigious engineering institute of India ? But soon my blood group overshadows all my negative thoughts- B+ve. Who's eligible to a job if you don't get it ? You deserve a job better than all you've ever tried for. Just wait n watch. Yeah !!! that's how one can keep control of his thoughts. Inflate you positive energy and don't let anyone prick it, lest it should burst like Satyam did. What d fk is wrong with these ppl ? Isn't d market already suffering with jerks that these bastards are coming up with more and more bullshits ? If u r murmuring - this guy is taking out his frustration here, may be I am.
Anyways, leave it. I was telling you how I feel over leaving this campus. Ummm... many a times sentiyaap does come in mind... Leaving d mates u've Njoyed with 24*7... Leaving d groups u've njoyed all grades of movies with... separation from juniors asking for chapo and seeking ur help on all levels of problems... end of a weird life where normal clock of civilised society seems idiotic... end of proxies... end of GPLs... end of impulsive flawless abusing rhythms... all seems so cruel but unavoidable. I'd miss my nightouts ending in Haridwar, I'd miss reduction of my exam preparation time from a week to 4 days to 2 days to 2 hours per semester, I'd miss trips with my best pals.

Well, it's already 6:00am and am dozing off... wanted to write more.... but may be next time.

And ya... Happy Republic Day :-)